how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Randomize
