Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
