I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And then my night got REAL pukey
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
