Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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