ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
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And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
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I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!