I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock