Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
