You're my little dorito
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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