I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
