Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
