Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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