ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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