from now on my penis is your penis
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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