If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
