So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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