Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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