I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
