Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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