I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
