420 ftw
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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