I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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