Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
