My balls are so social today.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The power of my boobs compel you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
