please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
