what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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