Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
