did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
