i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i believe in u and ur pee
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
