I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
