my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
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I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
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I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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