I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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