They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
