Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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