So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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