I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
