I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Randomize
