dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I am one with the molecules
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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