Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
