final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
