Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
