I am midnight drunk by noon
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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