Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
