tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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