im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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