He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
