Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
