Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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