i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
