I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
