Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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