Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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