Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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