But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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