Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
