i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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