You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize