You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
