You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
