So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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