i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize