Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
