Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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